The 81st. Annual Academy Awards came and went like a prom night massacre on peyote. 

Hosted by Hugh Jackman, the ceremony was the swiftest it had been in years. Mr. Jackman had two major song and dance numbers. One at the show’s open that was loosely inspired by the art of Michel Gondry and accompanied by Anne Hathaway (Someone put that girl in a musical! Who knew she had such a nice voice!), and the other in the middle of the show accompanied by Beyoncé that was quite gaudy and staged by Baz Luhrmann (Someone please slip that man some ritalin, pronto!) 

All the winners were as perdicted by most oscar pundits with good ole’ SLUMDOG MILLIONAIRE (2008, Danny Boyle) picking up a whopping 8 statuettes out of it’s 10 nominations. 

The only parts of the show that really dragged were when the acting categories were up. Instead of having the previous year’s winner present the award to the opposite sex, this year’s producers of the ceremony, Bill Condon and Laurence Mark offered up a twist: Five previous oscar winners would come out and give each nominee a verbal handjob before announcing the winner.

As precious as some of the deliveries were, it halted the pace of the show with a resounding thud. Besides, how awesome would it have been to see Penélope Cruz slip Javier Bardem the tongue as he slips her the Best Supporting Actress Oscar.. 

So now, it’s back to square one of a new cinematic year as awards pundits and the losing nominees stumble the walk of shame in the morning light.. 

So til next time, 

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A time when all the christmas decorations have MERCIFULLY been taken down, resolutions are made only to be broken (you know it’s true!), and, with the awards eligibility date being Dec. 31st, movie studios use the month of January and early Feburary as a dumping ground for all the crap that is leftover from last year’s production line. 

So unless you want to catch up on all the Oscar pedigree movies, most of which are now in wide release, your choices at the multiplex are basically between crap and shit. You have PAUL BLART: MALL COP, BRIDE WARS, UNDERWORLD: RISE OF THE LYCANS, HOTEL FOR DOGS, etc. Movies so bad that i am not even gonna link them to their imdb profiles. There is, however, a movie opening this week that i can recommend with a clear conscience.. 

Opening today is TAKEN (2009, Pierre Morel), a kidnapping thriller starring Liam Neeson in full badass mode, which he wears surprisingly well. He plays Brian Mills, a former CIA secret agent who is trying like hell to stay close to his estranged daughter Kim (an overly screechy Maggie Grace). His resentful ex-wife (Famke Janssen) has allowed Kim to spend an unsupervised summer with a friend in Paris, much to Brian’s dismay. And wouldn’t you know it, his worse fears come true conveniently as he is on the phone with her shortly after arriving in Paris: she’s dragged away and put into sex-trafficking.. 

Now, whereas other run-of-the-mill thrillers released during this time are brainless bulk that are no fun at all, this is brainless bulk that’s ridiculous, over the top, and actually a lot of fun. And that’s probably because it was co-written by the great Luc Besson, creator of such action classics as Nikita (1990), Léon (1994) and The Transporter (2002). Running at a zippy 94 minutes, you get to tag along with Badass Liam as he bashes his way through Paris, determined to find his daughter. 

So, this weekend when you find yourself standing in front of the box office perplexed, just see this! It’s quick, it’s fun and you won’t leave the theater disappointed… And if you are disappointed, blame Liam Neeson! 

So, ’til next time, comrades.. 

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This world is not ready for a comic book movie to be nominated for a Best Picture Oscar.. 

While THE DARK KNIGHT (2008, Christopher Nolan) did receive 8 nominations, all of them were only in the technical categories (cinematography, art direction, editing, makeup, visual effects, sound and sound editing) except for one: Best Supporting Actor for Heath Ledger. 

And Batman wasn’t the only one who got the shaft.. 

GRAN TORINO (2008, Clint Eastwood) was also a big surprise this morning by garnering, not one, not two, not three, but ZERO nominations. It was thought that Clint might sneak in at the last minute just like he did two years ago with the deserving LETTERS FROM IWO JIMA (2006) and four years ago with the painfully overrated MILLION DOLLAR BABY (2004). 

In it, Clint plays Walt Kowalski, a widower who holds onto his prejudices despite the changes in his Detroit neighborhood and the rest of the world around him. He is a grumpy, tough-minded and unhappy Korean War veteran who can’t get along with either his kids or his neighbors. The only things left on this earth that give him any sort of joy are his white lab Daisy and his prize possession, a 1972 Gran Torino he keeps in mint condition.

When his neighbor Thao, a young Hmong teenager under pressure from his gang member cousin, tries to steal his Gran Torino, Walt sets out to reform the youth. Drawn against his will into the life of Thao’s family, Kowalski is soon taking steps to protect them from the gangs that infest their neighborhood. 

Do yourself a favor and go see this now while it’s in wide release. Clint gives his best performance in years, representing the generation that built America. He grunts, spits and seethes at the new generation around him, the aloof and spoiled youth of today. 

But honestly, Clint didn’t go away TOTALLY empty-handed. His other 2008 flick CHANGELING got three nominations for art direction, cinematography, and best actress for Angelina Jolie. (Yawn.) 

Now don’t get me wrong, i love Mrs. Jolie-Pitt as much as the next ‘fierce bitch-loving’ fag, but this was a slot that should have been reserved for another young actress that burst upon the scene last year.. 

HAPPY-GO-LUCKY (2008, Mike Leigh) is the story of Poppy (Sally Hawkins), a life-loving and irrepressibly cheerful primary school teacher who is thirty years old, single, and infinitely optimistic and accepting. She lives with her best friend and flatmate Zoe (Alexis Zegerman) in London, has exciting flamenco lessons, an encounter with a homeless man, a row with her pregnant sister, and a love-affair with the social worker guiding one of her students. Eventually, she is tested by a repressed driving instructor with MAJOR anger problems (Eddie Marsan), who, in return, is tested by her. 

Now, the movie itself is not so great.. Mr. Leigh has hit some home runs before, like  (1999), SECRETS & LIES (1996), and NAKED (1993), but this one is more of a base hit. In fact, reaction to it in his native England was lukewarm at best. 

No, all the steam of this movie lies on the radiance of Sally Hawkins. Her Poppy is full of charm that is so infectious that even critics who gave this movie a so-so review could not resist giving her performance alone a glowing ovation. And she should have been nominated for Best Actress!.. 

Oh well, it has now been written in stone..

In the coming weeks, i will be going through certain categories and dissecting them to bits because, well, it’s what i do best…..(crickets).

So, ’til next time, class.. 

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Oscar nominations are announced tomorrow morning, and though some films are definite locks in getting nominations, ANYTHING can happen.. 

But, according to every blogging Oscar forecaster, the final nominees for BEST PICTURE will be as follows:

THE CURIOUS CASE OF BENJAMIN BUTTON(2008, David Fincher) 

THE DARK KNIGHT (2008, Christopher Nolan)** 

FROST/NIXON (2008, Ron Howard )* 

MILK (2008, Gus Van Sant)* 

and SLUMDOG MILLIONAIRE (2008, Danny Boyle) 

The stars (*,**) denote the amount of vulnerability these particular entries have at being usurped by the following possible spoilers: 

 DOUBT (2008, John Patrick Shanley) 

 GRAN TORINO (2008, Clint Eastwood) 

 THE READER (2008, Stephen Daldry) 

 and WALL*E (2008, Andrew Stanton) 

Meanwhile..  

In the acting categories, it’s an full-on UFC-style slugfest between past Oscar winner Sean Penn (MILK) and comeback-kid Mickey Rourke (THE WRESTLER 2008, Darren Aronofsky), as well as a three-way, oil-wrestling sludge match between Oscar veteran Meryl Streep (DOUBT), Oscar newcomer Anne Hathaway (RACHEL GETTING MARRIED 2008, Jonathan Demme) and the LONG OVERDUE FOR AN OSCAR Kate Winslet (REVOLUTIONARY ROAD 2008, Sam Mendes).. 

So, come tomorrow morning at 5:30 pt (8:30 et) and we’ll know who the final five cylons-, uh.. i mean, nominees are! 

’til then, end of line!

..and lord almighty, did it kick my ass into a ‘blog coma’.. 

But now i’m back in the final days of November and the current cinematic obsession of the masses is a little something called TWILIGHT (2008, Catherine Hardwicke).. 

Based on the best selling books by Stephenie Meyer, the story concerns a teenage girl named Bella Swan (Kristen Stewart), who has always been a bit different, never caring about or fitting in with the trendy bitches at her Phoenix, Arizona high school. When her mother Renee (Sarah Clarke, the great Nina Myers from 24) remarries and decides to move with her new husband to Florida, and Bella decides to go live with her father, Charlie (Billy Burke), in the rainy little town of Forks, Washington, she doesn’t expect anything to change. Then she meets the mysterious and beautiful Edward Cullen (Robert Pattinson), a boy unlike any she’s ever met. Intelligent and witty, his piercing eyes see straight into her soul. Soon, the both of them are swept up in a passionate and decidedly unorthodox romance. Edward can run faster than any cheetah, he can stop a moving car with his bare hands and he hasn’t aged since 1918. But most importantly, he’s a vampire. Like all vampires, he’s immortal. He doesn’t drink human blood (they’re vampire “vegetarians”), which is rare among the vampire population. Instead, they go on regular “hiking” trips, where they feed on prey such as grizzly bears and mountain lions. For Edward, Bella is the thing he has waited ninety years for – a soul mate. But the closer they get, the more Edward must struggle to resist the primal pull of her scent, which could send him into an uncontrollable frenzy.. 

To sum it up, Ain’t It Cool News critic Massawyrm says it best when he says:  ”If Bela Lugosi’s DRACULA (1931, Tod Browning) was the cool, stark single malt scotch of vampire films, and NEAR DARK (1987, Kathryn Bigelow) its Kentucky sour mash, then Twilight would be its Zima, or perhaps the Bartles & Jaymes of undead filmmaking..” 

But enuff about that ‘71million dollar-making‘ shite, i wanna talk about what is coming up THIS week, which will undoubtedly a major OSCAR contender.. 

Opening this friday is MILK (2008, Gus Van Sant).. 

Mr ’broody, no-sense-of-humor, yet extremely awesome’ Sean Penn plays the ‘always positive and happy-go-lucky’ Harvey Milk, and according to early reviews of the film, this shit is the force to be reckoned with come award season.. 

It concerns a certain middle-aged New Yorker who, after moving to San Francisco, became a Gay Rights activist and city politician. On his third attempt, he was elected to San Francisco’s Board of Supervisors in 1977, making him the first openly gay man to be elected to public office in the USA. The following year, both he and the city’s mayor, George Moscone, were shot to death by former city supervisor, Dan White, who blamed his former colleagues for denying White’s attempt to rescind his resignation from the board.. 

Well, folkies.. it’s good to be back.. 

and i promise not to go so far ever again.. (FAMOUS LAST WORDS!!!!)

so ’til next time, end of line..

i’ve talked about Cronenberg before on here and i’ll probably talk about him again for many times to come. The man is truly a master of psychological horror. Every one of his films, no matter what genre he spans, oozes with his signature sense of dread and anatomical obsession.. 

And now, for his latest project, he’s gone and rebirthed one of his most beloved films into a whole other medium..  

It’s fucking perfect.. 

Opening this week in Paris at the Théâtre du Chatelet is the highly anticipated opera adaptation of THE FLY.. 

Based on THE FLY (1986, David Cronenberg), which itself was a remake of the original THE FLY (1958, Kurt Neumann), the production is a melding of the two by following the basic story of the remake while taking place somewhere in the 50′s, like the original..

i guess you could say that Cronenberg put both versions through his Telepods and out came this new mutation..   

Directed for the stage by Mr. Cronenberg with libretto by David Henry Hwang (M. BUTTERFLY) and conducted by Placido Domingo (when it comes to LA), the real star of this production is the composer Howard Shore.. 

 Shore is one of the greatest composers working today. His 30+ year career includes composing the score for the LORD OF THE RINGS trilogy (2001-2003, Peter Jackson) and almost all of Cronenberg’s films, as well as composing the original theme songs of SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE (1975-present, Lorne Michaels) and LATE NIGHT WITH CONAN O’BRIEN.. 

If you think about it, it has all the elements needed for good opera: a love story, a transformation, tragedy and death, not to mention a large dose of melodrama.. 

 The opera, as it is, is divided in two acts, each being around one hour long. The break comes after Brundle goes through the Telepods (full frontal male nudity, people.. WOO-HOO!!), so ACT I covers around the first 30 minutes of the movie and ACT II covers the last 60 minutes. The production, however, is not an exact recreation of the movie..

 The setting is Seth Brundle’s lab and there are machines everywhere.. There is the computer console which also includes Brundle’s piano (art and science in the same machine), and of course the two Telepods, which look nothing like the ones we all know. They’re more like retro-scifi-computers, with big screens instead of windows.. (By the way, the computer sings too, much like a Greek chorus..)

The story is told in flashback form, beginning with Ronnie (played by Geena Davis in the movie) being interviewed by a police woman hours after Brundle died. Then it blends to the party where she first meets him.. From then on, the plot follws that of the movie closely, occasionally interrupted by Ronnie’s retrospective comments.. 

In a throwback to one of Cronenbergs earlier masterpieces VIDEODROME (1983), Brundle, who, after going through the Telepods, becomes “The New Flesh.”

“All Hail The New Flesh” is what the choir is singing over and over again. Much time is used on thoughts about The New Flesh and how it differs from the old flesh. 

Luckily for us here in Southern California, the production will come straight here from Paris in the fall.. So, i will stop with the spoilers and suggest that you get tickets as soon as possible.. i know i am!!.. 

In the meantime, if you are thus far unfamiliar with the films of Cronenberg, i suggest you put a few of his titles on your rentlist right away!.. 

So, til next time, sweeties.. 

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Yesterday opened HANCOCK (2008, Peter Berg) and i honestly couldn’t give a rat’s ass.. 

Early word on this bird says that it has a very stanky whiff of LAST ACTION HERO (1993, John McTiernan), and we all know how fuckin’ RANK that was.. 

This movie will probably make bank whether or not it is good.. All because Mr. Will Smith always makes bank on the fourth of July.. 

The very themes that this piece of shite attempts to deal with (the humanity and mortality of ‘so-called’ superheroes) will be dealt with WAY BETTER next year when the long-awaited WATCHMEN (2009, Zack Snyder) is released.. 

 yeah, this shite is gonna kick ass.. 

But in the meantime, i’d like to talk about the movie that is playing right in front of me as i write this post.. 

And that movie is BRAZIL (1985, Terry Gilliam).. 

Set somewhere in the 20th. Century in a giant, unnamed metropolis where the grey suits and paperwork flows like blood through the clogged veins of an eventual heart-attack victim, the story follows a little man named Sam Lowry (Jonathan Pryce), a low-level government employee who is conflicted about his role in an overreaching bureaucracy. We learn that he is initially happy with his “dead end job” and simple life, and that he habitually escapes into a fantasy world of romantic struggles. His contented but lonely life becomes complicated by his mother’s attempts to secure him a promotion, the intrusion of a renegade heating engineer, and the real-life appearance of the woman of his dreams.. 

Throughout the story Sam becomes involved in complicated and life-threatening attempts to secure himself happiness, while also developing a strong hatred for the system of which he is a part. Ultimately, his efforts culminate into a violent and tragic climax, the outcome of which depends entirely on his friends’ loyalty to Sam over their loyalty to the system that controls them.. 

Featured in this story is (in my humble opinion) one of the greatest characters in film history: Archibald ‘Harry’ Tuttle (played by Robert De Niro).. His philosophy on life is what i wish i was living right now: 

“I came into this game for the action, the excitement. Go anywhere, travel light, get in, get out, wherever there’s trouble, a man alone. Now they got the whole country sectioned off, you can’t make a move without a form. this old system of yours could be on fire and I couldn’t even turn on the kitchen tap without filling out a 27b/6… Bloody paperwork.. 

“Listen, kid.. we’re all in it together..” 

sigh.. i wish.. 

so, ’til next time, comrades.. 

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Coming our way this year are three prime examples of how insanely expansive the genre of Science Fiction can be..  

The first is a major theatrical release, the second is a staight-to-dvd release based on a VERY beloved cult sci-fi animated series and the third is described as.. well… a curious case..  

Opening this friday is WALL*E (2008, Andrew Stanton), the latest golden egg shat out from the genius-headed hydra that is the Pixar Animation Studios.. 

The story takes place in the year 2700, centuries after all humankind has abandoned the earth, which is now a giant, barren landscape of trash. A small, but steadfast robot is developed to, little by little, clear the land of all the waste in order to make it livable again. After hundreds of lonely years of doing what he was built for, WALL*E (short for Waste Allocation Load Lifter Earth-Class) discovers a new purpose in life (besides collecting knick-knacks) when he meets a sleek search robot named EVE.. 

EVE comes to realize that WALL*E has inadvertently stumbled upon the key to the planet’s future, and races back to space to report her findings to the humans (who have been eagerly awaiting word that it is safe to return home). Meanwhile, WALL*E chases EVE across the galaxy and sets an adventure into motion. Joining WALL*E on his journey across the universe is a cast of characters including a pet cockroach and a heroic team of malfunctioning misfit robots..  

Early word on this bird claims that good ole’ Pixar has done it again and topped themselves with this beautiful and hysterically funny motion picture. The first third of the movie basically has no dialogue whatsoever as WALL*E scavenges through the giant piles of garbage and discovers little treasures here and there. According to director Andrew Stanton, he and the animators that worked on this watched every single film of both Charlie Chaplin and Buster Keaton to develope the character and create the movements of our little hero WALL*E.. 

Expect this to be THE front runner for next year’s Best Animated Feature Oscar.. 

Just released this past tuesday on dvd is FUTURAMA: THE BEAST WITH A BILLION BACKS (2008, Peter Avanzino), the second feature length movie based on one of the greatest animated tv series of all time, FUTURAMA (1999-2003, Matt Groening & David X. Cohen).. 

The story begins when our beloved Planet Express crew must work to fix rips between their universe and another inhabited by a planet-sized, tentacle alien (voiced by the awesome David Cross) which soon takes over the Earth and uses it’s ability to control Fry (voiced by the great Billy West) to create and command an entire religion. Eventually, the religion takes over and convinces the inhabitants of Earth to abandon the planet to live in a pseudo-heaven, leaving the robots of the world to inherit the planet..  

After the last (kinda disappointing, sad to say) dvd movie, FUTURAMA: BENDER’S BIG SCORE (2007, Dwayne Carey-Hill), this new one is a return to form for the series, which is a loving tribute to all things sci-fi and jam-packed with witty references from all across the board.. 

And finally, we have the first trailer for THE CURIOUS CASE OF BENJAMIN BUTTON (2008, David Fincher), which was just released online in glorious quicktime.. 

Based on the short story by F. Scott Fitzgerald, it centers on the life of a one Benjamin Button (played by Brad Pitt), a man who physically ages backward. He is born an old man and ages in reverse until he becomes a baby and then finally vanishes from the earth. At age 50, he falls in love with a 30-year-old woman (played by Cate Blanchett). And they then must come to terms with the relationship as they literally grow in opposite directions.. 

David Fincher is one of the greatest and most innovative filmmakers working today and it’s nice to see that he is finally making a film that is not about serial killers (SE7EN, ZODIAC) or people in peril (PANIC ROOM, THE GAME, ALIEN³)..

You can find the trailer in it’s best quality right over here..  The movie will come out this christmas.. 

Well, cadets.. 

Remember to keeps those eyes to the stars, and ’til next time.. 

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So much has happened in the film world since we last spoke that i don’t know where the fuck to begin.. 

i guess i will dedicate this post to those who passed on in the past few weeks.. 

George Carlin (May 12, 1937 – June 22, 2008) 

Dody Goodman (October 28, 1914 – June 22, 2008) 

Cyd Charisse (March 8, 1922 – June 17, 2008) 

Stan Winston (April 7, 1946 – June 15, 2008) 

Tim Russert  (May 7, 1950 – June 13, 2008) 

Mel Ferrer (August 25, 1917 – June 2, 2008) 

Harvey Korman (Feburary 15, 1927 – May 29, 2008) 

Rest in peace, you guys.. 

You’ve all brought much happiness to us through these years, and you will sorely be missed.. 

so ’til next time, brothers and sisters.. 

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if you or any of those you really care about suffer from this devastating addiction, well.. 

 You’ve come to the right place!.. 

Just like it was last week, we have coming to our multiplexes this friday, a ‘ying and yang’ of entertainment.. 

First, we have the long-awaited, live-action comeback of Mike Myers.. 

THE LOVE GURU (2008, Marco Schnabel) is a pet-project of Mr. Myers developed in the past few years while he hung out with a one mr. Deepak Chopra, all the while going through a divorce from the daughter of a one Linda Richman..

The early word says that this movie sucks such major ass that many people in Hollywood are reveling in the schadenfreude of it all.. According to this article in the recent EW, Mr. Myers (no matter how cute and cuddly he may seem onscreen) is such a little whiny bitch to work with on the set that a lot of people in the industry are actually rooting against him.. 

Personally, i will hold out for Myers’ potrayal of Keith Moon in an upcoming biopic of the legendary drummer.. 

That will truly be his comeback to me.. 

On the other side of the marquee, we have GET SMART (2008, Peter Segal).. 

Based on the tv series created by Mel Brooks & Buck Henry, two of the most comedically eeeeeeeevil masterminds of the late twentieth century, it stars Steve Carell and Anne Hathaway as Maxwell Smart and Agent 99 (the roles were originated in the tv series by the late, great Don Adams and Barbara Feldon..)

Early word on this bird is generally positve, which means it will most likely end up on the top of the box office list for this weekend.. 

So, my darlings.. ’til next time, end of line..